Embracing Humanness

So tomorrow marks the two-week mark of our friendly "detox."  What a great experence!

Matt and I both have battled serious sugar cravings the last three nights...I'm not sure if it's from habit or circumstance or whatever.  So last night we gave in...we both had a bowl of sorbet.  I've also had a few handfuls of dried cranberries the last couple nights too....not your usual sugar addictive food, I know, but hey this is full disclosure!

The real challenge now comes in moving forward.  I still haven't chewed any gum and I am of the new opinion that gum is just a habit that I don't really need anymore.  I also think that coffee is one thing I can have only every so often....well, we'll see.  I am notorious for thinking I can add something back "occasionally" and then "occasionally" becomes "more frequently" and so on and so forth.

I did feel a little guilty last night...not so much about the content of the food but more so about caving in to the habit of eating before bedtime.  Well, today I'll choose to celebrate my progress and not my perfection!

I am so grateful for my understanding and appreciation of good, nurturing food and what a difference it makes in my life.  Also, how damaging sugar really is and feeling the difference without it.

Moving forward!

Befriending Ourselves

I have said before and always known that I am my own worst enemy.  Somewhere along my journey I developed a lot of personal criticism.  Maybe you know it...that nasty voice that tells you to stay home, don't try, don't even bother...

I really only became mindful of this voice about four or five years ago and every since has been a journey to turn down its volume.  This year I'd like to have more self-compassion.  And like anything else, I have to practice. 

When I was younger, I wouldn't participate in anything in which I couldn't excel.  How dumb.  Now in my adult/parenthood I think it's great for my spirit to try any and all things because I have an interest...even better if I'm not that good...it reminds me of my humaness and at the end of the day, what does it really matter anyway?

We're all like a beautiful garden that doesn't need anything else planted or added, it just needs cleaned up, cut back and have the weeds removed every once in awhile.

A lot of time I think I need something in order to do something else. But I had this realization yesterday that I am fully equipped to do whatever it is that I'd like to do...I do need more of anything...I just need less of those qualities that hold me back...self doubt, anxiety and fear to name the biggies.

What great news!!  Suddenly I realize that I've created every hurdle in my path-my rigidity is the problem, not my circumstances. 

It's Day Seven of the detox and I hope that the elimination of coffee and abundant sugar is reason for all this "mental clarity" and focus.  I can't remember a time in my life when I could remember, think and create so easily.  I have suspected that sugar and coffee exacerbate my existing anxiety but now I have proof!

It's also quite amazing to realize how much a slave I was to those substances!  Gum included.  Just...let...go.  I feel such a sense of freedom.  And I'm sleeping so well...so restfully.

I'm eager to see how much better I can feel after another week!

Up and Running

Well, I feel good.  Three days without chewing gum or any added sugar and I feel like I can accomplish just about anything.  I mean, that's partly true.

I have a mild headache and I'm still pretty irritable.  It feels like all the toxins that were stored in the far recesses of my body are finally finding their way out.  It doesn't feel great.  I know that irritability, headaches and flu-like symptoms are all side effects.  When you give your digestive system a vacation from processed foods and sugar, it's able to really clean out the system.  I already feel lighter and cleaner.

I'm hoping my edginess dissipates over the next week or so. 
This pattern of eating is such great practice for disipline.  It's necessary for me to set boundaries for myself. It's working!  And it's really not about restriction at all.  It's about mindfullness and self nurturing and giving myself what it needs.  So often I feed a hunger that has nothing to do with need of food.

I'm eager to continue.  It's certainly empowering in other areas.
Miss the mangoes though.  And here's Matt with a thought or two...

Day three hasn't been nearly as bad as day 1 & 2...And the positive flow is remarkable.  I'm kind of a low-will-power person and I can't see any reason not to do this and see it through.  I feel better and the person I see in the mirror is --pick a cliche-- more alive...

Nicole does a wonderful job making sure this process is fun and full of good food.  I couldn't do this without her dedication.  I'm too fearful to start, too lazy to cook all that she does and too wishy-washy to push it through, but with her, it's easy to have a partner in this silly game.

At least the caffine/sugar-withdrawl headaches are receeding...but seriously, I'd quit tobacco everyday over the withdrawl from caffine and sugar and whatever else, my body is screaming out for...

Goodnight Moon!

And Away We Go

Matt just went to lie down and I quote, "Nothing quite like a sugar and caffeine withdrawl headache...
Need I say more..."

I'm so proud of him...

I can count on one hand the number of days since the age of 15 that I haven't chewed gum.  Today was one of those days.  I can't believe I did it, quite frankly.  My cravings to chew a piece of gum must have numbersd in the dozens today.  And not eating anything sweet after dinner?  Nuts.

I totally commiserate with the millions of people who attempt dieting.  It's. So. Hard.  You have to change your habits, your attention, your whole relationship with food.  All I know is the first step is attention and mindfulness.  If you can master your attention then you can master the universe.  Well, your own personal universe, that is.

I want a piece of gum.  I need a piece of gum.  I am so used to popping a piece of gum into my mouth after I eat.  I have ran many many miles while chewing a piece of gum.  I need gum because my mind is so used to having it.  Go figure.  Distraction, breathing...it really does work.  And you know what?  I Don't need that piece of gum.  It's the end of the day and the earth is still spinning and I'm still here.
I'm eager to break this habit.

I have a bit of a headache and I'm a little cranky.  Otherwise, I already feel better.  Plenty of energy even without the coffee.  We ate quite good food.  I feel nourished.  And certainly accomplished.
If we can overcome ourselves, we can overcome anything.

You can't clean the floor with a dirty mop!

Happy New Year, 2011!
My family and I just returned from a week-long vacation in Florida. Lots of sun, lots of vacation and lots of indulgence! This of course, was Christmas #2. And really, despite my profession and level of training I usually loosen my clean habits quite a bit after Thanksgiving. This year was quite loose. Maybe it was the huge release after my nuptuals at the end of the September.

Regardless of the intricate rationale, my body has certainly had enough and I am ready to return to my natural, clean roots. I decided to eat an elimination diet for two weeks followed by a longer abstinance of all that haunts me: chocolate, gum and even dried mangoes. The next few weeks will also include, more meditation, yoga, journaling and reflection. Less media, input, and inflammation.

And in no small order, my husband has decided to join me.
I cannot articulate how eager I am to get started. I'm not worried too much except maybe a bit about the no gum part...I am sure that all the artificial sweeteners in the gum that I chew has added up and poisoned by brain (so that's what's wrong!!!). Also, I will miss the coffee first thing in the morning.

But it's not about what I'm taking away. It's what I'll gain: energy, insight and more love and compassion for my physical self. We should all treat ourselves to the highest qualities we can.

Alright, didn't do so well getting to bed early...progress not perfection I suppose. And now a word from the Title sponsor...

This is the husband...and I quote...

"Counter any symptoms of comfort-food withdrawal with creative snacks. Try 'baklava oatmeal'. "
Um, no, I'm not going to try that...I like Baklava and I kinda like oatmeal...but never in my wildest "creative snack" would I put those two together...

By the way I've chewed tobacco for 16.5 years and while its been on and off since 2008, we all know its been more on. So its been a week (cause I'm good like that) and the cravings are just hitting. And now no sugar. Or Beer. Or coffee. At least there's almond milk! (which IS GREAT. If you're not off the dairy, you're missing it)

So enjoy my tobacco-induced comfort-food withdrawal over the next couple of weeks and if anyone has any ideas on "creative snacks", please let me know.

Change, change and more change!

I am a creature of habit. I like my routine. I like my immediate, personal surroundings to have some sort of consistency. When people, places, and even my internal climates are consistent and familiar, I feel safe.

Safety. And what benefit to I get from feeling "safe" all the time? Well, I feel secure and comfortable for starters. But I've learned that feeling comfortable isn't always what ife is about. Infact, some of the most uncomfortable times in my life have led to the most rewarding gifts. Safety doesn't lead to new relationships, new jobs, or the ever profound emotional growth that had elluded me so for so long.

The more I "grow up" the more I realize my desire to control things around me in my immediate circle. It could be anything from how it feels when I exercise to what time I put my son to sleep at night. When these circumstances deviate from their familar path, I can get freaked out or anxious. It's that simple.

So the answer for me here is acceptance and mindfulness. Things are always the way they are because they are! And the greatest blessing is that most of the time it really has nothing to do with me! Thank GOD! I've learned...hmm, honestly I'm learning...to live in the moment with whatever circumstance, feeling, weather pattern exists. The more I wish something is different, the more anxious and resentful I can be.

I am more resilient, at peace when I can accept the current circumstances or my feelings and have faith that they-whatever "they or it" is, good or bad- will pass. There is opportunity to learn all...the...time.

Stepping of my comfort zone and taking risks is a learned behavior that still doesn't come easy for me. I have to practice taking risks in other areas of my life. The marathon is such a great example.

Speaking of long endurance evens, I've wanted to do a triathlon since I can remember. A great tool I've learned to nudge myself out of the comfort zone is to just implement some accountability. In short, I'm signing up for the 2011 Pittsburgh Triathlon. Next year will be the year. I'll just sign up! It's a small step of many...but it's the first.

Cheers :)

Changing Our Sails

Well, let's just say I didn't welcome the darkness and cold this morning at all. For whatever reason I've had a hard time this autumn waking up in the early morning darkness. And I was even more cranky this morning when I left the house to walk the dogs and my hands instantly froze.

Fifteen minutes later in the car I recognized my cranky mood and quickly re-adjusted my attitude. By now I know it's a waste of my energy to get upset about something I can't control and weather is one of the best examples.

What a great skill I've learned over the years: recognizing when I'm headed down a cranky path and having enough awareness to stop, take inventory, pray and/or meditate and take actions toward a better emotional direction.
Sometimes this is hard to do regardless of how much practice I've had.

Acceptance is really the answer to all of my problems. Any time I'm discontent, it's usually because I cannot or will not accept something about some person, situation or thing. As someone else once said, we cannot change the wind, but we can change our sails. Have you ever tried to run against the wind? Not fun!

The last couple years of my life I've really tried hard to concentrate on the areas of my life that I have the most control: diet, exercise, sleep, my job, and my interpersonal relationships.
It's worked out pretty well. A lot of my relationships are so much better these days and mostly because I changed. Funny how that works!

Here's to many years of growth, adaptation and plenty of ACCEPTANCE!

Less thought, more action!

Back to basics! You start with a goal then devise a plan to get you there. I have so many bursting ideas in my head but they are useless if they stay up there! Words mean nothing without action!

So a few months ago I decided to train for the Pittsburgh marathon this May. I'm an avid runner but had never gone further than 6 or 7 miles. The decision was born from the idea of choosing a lofty goal, something I had never done before, and actually sticking to it...planning it carefully and really seeing it through.

A lot of times, running or working out in is very analogous to the rest of my life. I was running this morning, an easy 8 miles or so, and I was reflecting on how good it felt and also how it didn't always feel so easy...

Rewind to spring of 2007: I was eager to get moving again after I gave birth to my son, I couldn't wait to return to good physical condition and I just remember how HARD it was at first. Everything hurt from the inside out. It was painful and very very frustrating. All I could run in the beginning was a meager 10 minutes or so, and I looked and sounded horrible!

But I just keep going, despite my frustration, despite my achey knees, despite my insecurity. I kept at it, one day at a time, one mile at a time until it felt good again. and thank God I did.

I'm really starting to apply this principle everywhere else in my life. I don't want to give up on somthing just because it's hard or painful or because I'm afraid of what others might think. Or maybe I can't stand the fear of not knowing the outcome or even getting exactly it is that I want!

The best rewards in life are seldom easy. We can have a vision, an intention, a dream; we can follow it with some action and do the work, even when we don't feel like it; have some faith and accept the outcome.

Simple, not always easy.

Become Significant to Yourself!

Sooner or later, you start taking yourself seriously.
You know when you need a break. You know when you need a rest.
You know what to get worked up about, and what to get rid of.
And you know when it's time to take care of yourself, for yourself.
To do something that makes you stronger, faster, more complete.
Because you know it's never to late to have a life.
And never too late to change one.
JUST DO IT!

The fantastic message above is from an old Nike ad years ago. I couldn't have said it better myself...

Persevering through the storm...

Having gone through some difficult changes recently, I realize how easy it is to escape the feelings that come along with that difficulty.
But I don't give up and I don't let go. Working through the hard stuff- whether it be hurt, abandonment, disappointment, mistakes, loss, grief, mood swings - creates character and hope. We become better people as a result. Work through it, not around it and especially do everything you can to feel it. Emotions are a necessary fact of life...even when they suck!

Excuses

I can make excuses for anything. I can justify anything. I can make any decision of mine seem "right" just because I want to be right and because I want to do what I want to do. But every time I head down that path of making excuses I come right back to the reality of personal responsibility.

I am the maker and creator of my life. If there is something about my life that makes me uphappy, it's my responsibility to change it. I'm not saying these changes are ever easy or quick, but they are in my own realm of control.

A lot of times when I'm miserable about something, it's a result of my own doing. It's very empowering to understand that I'm the director of my movie and the one place in the universe where I have control is myself.

It's time...

Well, I finally made my way back to my blog. It was a quick summer and I hope everyone enjoyed their sunny season as much as possible. It certainly was great weather here in Pittsburgh!

Life has certainly moved forward, positively for me, however my blog did not! Although, my procrastination certainly creates a topic!

Have you ever had a friend with whom you slightly lost touch? Then you don't call him or her each time you have a minute because you figure a minute is not long enough to catch up...then events build up in your life and you figure you need way longer than minutes to have a conversation, but before you know it, time passes and you're way out of touch!

The point is, there are so many minutes in a day and unfortuneatly we cannot create more time. The goal is to spend our time as best we can, however we see fit for ourselves. At the end of the day no one else can take care of us or our children. We are responsible for our lives. We choose the type of day we have no matter what happens within it and more importantly, how we react.

Today I choose to share my experiences and try and help others more than I did yesterday. Keep me posted on summer adventures, let's enjoy this day as best we can and look forward to fall...my favorite season!

Mind Over...Madness?

Hello, fitness friends! We've all heard of the power of positive thinking but how many of us actually put that into practice? Lately in my line of work, I've been realizing just how important it is to prepare your mind first and foremost before accomplishing any goal!

The first assessment I make with new clients is where they are mentally, in terms of how much they believe in themseves and their ability to make changes. When we want something, a new job, a raise, healthly relationships, getting pregnant, we have to imagine it first, visualize it, before we can take action to make it happen. If I'm constantly saying things to myself like, "I can't lose weight no matter what I do or how I eat" or "I've always been this way and I'll never change" then nothing will change.

If we always do what we always did then we will always get what we always got.

If we truly believe something can happen, really belive it, have faith, then we naturally take steps to get ourselves to that end. This is really amazing. And simple! Try it!

It's no wonder why people who are sick a lot tend to stay sick. Negative people breed more negativity. The greatest thing about this phenomenon is that we can choose ourattitude and out disposition. So why not try a positive attitude and start visualizing your goals?! It works!

The sun is shining!

What is it about the sun that makes the day so much better? Doesn't it seem like everything's a little easier when the sun is shining?

I am thrilled because today will be the first time in a long time that I will take my son for a long run. I've been running on a treadmill since November and can't wait to get outiside! My son loves the fresh air and the view...we run from Milvale along the river all the way to the stadium. It's so scenic and wonderful...for those of you familiar with Pittsburgh!

I run a little harder when he's with me because I don't want him to see mummy getting passed by anyone! And also because for those of you who have never run behind a jogging stroller, it's hard work let me tell you! I'm amazed how quickly my running ease returned after many a day running behind that thing. Running alone has never been easier!

I love being outside and can't wait to get out there more!

Cheers to Spring!

Greetings, fitness fans! I am ready for spring! Infact, I can't wait for the weather to warm up and the snow to stop and the sun to shine! It's March and even though it's raining and the sky is still pretty dark, I am feeding a postive attitude with the anticipation of spring.

I was walking to work early yesterday morning and I could hear "spring" in the air. I could hear birds that I haven't heard since last year and I could see specks of light in the sky, thanks to Daylight Savings. If I can just focus on the fact that warmer, more pleasant weather is coming, then it makes the current drab and little more manageable. Nasty weather is inevitable and temporary.

Everything in life is like this. Sometimes the process (of whatever) can be alot of hard work and very uncomfortable, but if we focus on the end result and visualize our goal, it makes the process a little easier. I'm reminded of a favorite quote that says, "Obstacles are those things we see when we take our mind off our goals."

We can achieve anything, one step at a time. Start small and think big! I'm eager for spring because warmer weather affords more options. I can't wait to take my son to the playground, to the zoo, anywhere outside. I can't wait to take him running all over the place because we both love that! But until then, I'm going to enjoy this day as much as I can. I hope you all do the same!

I've Been Hit!

Insert foot in mouth! After surviving my son's cold, my partner's flu, my mom's ear/sinus infections and pink eye, I've finally been wacked with the flu.


A part of me has always believed that as long as one lives a healthy lifestyle: diet, exercise and absence of harmful activities (read: alcohol, cigarettes, etc.) then one's chances of getting sick were slim to none. At least this has been my experience the past few years. The last time I was sick was in 2005 and surely I wasn't living at the apex of health at the time.


Anyway, my son fell ill last week and of course I was his number one for wiping his extra-runny nose. At one point we were playing on the floor and he was climbing all over me, which he loves to do, and he was literally coughing in my face and I thought, "it will be a miracle if I don't get sick." Sure enough the next day I woke up with the infamous sore throat and over the next few days I developed the full-blown flu.


Sickness is just like war: to some degree it's inevitable. But we can do our best to be prepared. We can act proactively and live healthfully to increase immunity and decrease our chances of getting hit or lessening the severity.


A colleague of mine recently told me that having kids at home is like having the plague. I think that's hysterical and very true. Nothing passes germs quite like a young child. And although I'd like to think I'm invincible to the flu season because I eat right, exercise, drink "green" drinks and do my best to manage stress, etc. I think I may reconsider getting the flu shot next season!

Stay healthy and wash your hands :)

One Year Later

I remember all the different emotions and thoughts that came with the news that I was going to have a baby. At that time I was very physically active and in great shape. Besides the excitement of actually having a child, I was very nervous about what I was going to look like after he was born. I had heard that "things shift" and "your body is never quite the same." I mean, what pregnant personal trainer wants to hear THAT?! Furthermore, at about 3 or 4 months I had horrible sciatica and these back spasms that kept me from working or even staying moderately active.
I never had morning sickness but I was nauseous a lot and ironically I lost all taste for anything healthy. The idea of trail mix, tofu or any kind of protein (besides grilled cheese) disgusted me. By the end of my pregnancy I was huge. All of my kind loved ones assured me I was "all baby" but I have pictures to prove otherwise! Add all the fluids they pumped into me during labor and all the swelling, let's just say I was really huge! Plus they failed to tell me that even once the baby is born, I still looked 6 months pregnant!
In a way, I am very grateful to have been so big. It was difficult to move around, sleep, shower, get up and down stairs, up and down anywhere, drive, and on and on and on. I was short of breath and had all sorts of issues related to my size. It was very taxing, both mentally and physically. I remember feeling so miserable and vowed to never feel like that again.
I remember trying to get back into shape once Aidan was a little older and the weather a bit nicer: it was painful. After having a dormant exercise regime for about 10 months, it was hard. I understand why millions of people remain inactive...because getting in shape can hurt! My chest and throat burned, my legs felt like they were going to give out and I doubted my lungs' ability to keep working! I remember running at Frick Park and wanting to wear a sign on my back that said, "I don't normally sound like this, I just had a baby!"
It was hard and sometimes painful, but I kept at it. I started by running just one day a week. I added a few minutes to my twice weekly run until it became a whole run on another day. I kept at it until it didn't hurt so badly anymore. It took about 3 or 4 months of shuffling my feet and breathing heavily until it started to feel good. Slowly but surely I started looking forward to exercise as I had before I was pregnant. If everyone could just get over that "hump" in the beginning, exercise, or at least a more active lifestyle, would be somewhat enjoyable and certainly easier.
I worked really hard to get back into shape after I had my baby. And I'm hear to say that there is hope after childrearing! A girlfriend of mine (you know who you are) waited until after her first child to catch the fitness bug. And she looks fantastic after two kids! In a lot of ways I like my body so much more now. I mean, I carried and bore a child! My body's amazing just for that! Women have children because men could never survive labor. And it feels great to be able to carry my kid all around and up three flights of stairs and chase him around and keep up with him because I work hard so that stuff feels easy. We are capable of anything...the first step is commitment followed by a lot of effort and a little bit of faith...to be able to focus on the final product really helps to push through the discomfort, kind of like labor!

My First Baby

The first official love of my life was a small 10 pound chihuahua that I fell in love with a few years ago. He's larger than most chihuahuas but over the past few years has settled into a quite comfortable and appropriate body weight. Well, the funniest thing occured to me last night. Ever since Aidan's been eating finger foods three or four months ago, a new ritual has been created with our beloved animals. As soon as our cat and dog hear the tray click on that high chair, they both come running into the kitchen and patiently wait for the inevitable: the food that Aidan throws onto the floor! Well, just last night I realized that my dog has gained a few and looks quite the jolly chihuahua! Most of his supplemental diet includes toast with butter and any meat bits! Now, I'm certainly not crazy about keeping up his appearance but I know extra weight on an already-small dog is horrible for his health. Unfortuneatly because of his size he hates to be outside now, especially for any extended period time. So this is just another reason I am estatic for spring! Aren't animals great? I never thought I could learn so much from a creature who can't speak (in our language anyway!). Hears to all our pets out there!

TGIF

Howdy, fitness friends! It's been a whirlwind week for me as we just celebrated my son's first birthday. What a milestone! It's so fantastic watching a human being transform from a helpless, tiny baby into a little boy complete with a personality and will all his own! I'm so excited to introduce him to all the wonderful things life has to offer. It's so important to teach kids the importance of an active lifestyle. And I know once he's old enough, he will choose how he wants to spend his day, but until then his father and I have the responsibility to teach by example and live a healthy lifestyle as best we can. Kids learn what they experience and what a gift we give our children when we teach them how to take care of themselves in the best way possible. If you're a parent trying to live a healthy lifestyle at home, I'm eager to hear from you! Have a great weekend, everybody, and live the best you can!